if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
