fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
