can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
