Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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