then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
