Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
