Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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