sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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