Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
