Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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