Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
