eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
