Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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