There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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