As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we're so committed to being not committed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
