I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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