i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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