oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
