found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
