Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
