He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize