i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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