i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
