i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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