I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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