# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
