you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
