I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
