WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
