im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
