i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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