don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it was like eating out sand paper
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
