just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
