what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
