when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
