please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
