I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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