You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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