Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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