My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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