I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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