I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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