I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
