Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
