whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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