he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize