My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
