We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
