And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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