if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
