Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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