Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
