She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
No subtext here. People are naked.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
