No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, beer. Big fan.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
