yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
