OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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