So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
