i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
