she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize