so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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