how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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