you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
