her vagine was all disorganized.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
