If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize