Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
