He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
