My friends, they love my intelligence
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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