He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
