so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
