I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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