Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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