my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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