Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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