It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
