it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize