you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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