So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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