oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
