Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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