Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
