so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
