why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
