Screwed.edu
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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