Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
