I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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