shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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