if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
