The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
