At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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