yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize