Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
