Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
