Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
