quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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