Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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