he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
