i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
