I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize