Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
