I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
