Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize